Rewriting Your Life Story: The Art of Cognitive Reframing

 We cannot solve problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.

Albert Einstein            

I’ve had many worries in my life, most of which never happened.

Mark Twain                

We do not see things as they are; we see them as we are.

Anais Nin                    

 

Who among us reading this has never found themselves in a situation where the cards in the game of life are stacked against them? As stress and frustration mount, it seems logical to believe that what lies ahead will be the same. However, this belief stems from what social psychologists call the availability heuristic, which occurs when our most recent and readily available events and experiences come to mind vividly. It is like someone (1) trapped in the passenger seat of a car, (2) careening down a steep, winding mountain road, (3) without brakes, and (4) realizing that the only possible outcome is the inevitable, fatal crash at the bottom.

 

But wait, I am only in the passenger seat, not to mention in a car without brakes on a particularly dangerous mountain road devoid of options because I scripted the scene. What if I rewrote the scene so that I am in the driver’s seat, even if there are no brakes? Might I then have options? Could I drive the car into a ditch, against the guardrail, or veer off the road into a snowbank…did I tell myself it was snowing? Better a broken arm or expensive auto repairs than what awaits in the originally scripted ending. Better yet, what if my rewrite has me notice a runaway truck off-ramp with barrels of antifreeze at the end to absorb the impact?

 

The point is that much of what I often catastrophize about stems from my thoughts- the “script I wrote”- which generates the negative self-talk that contributes to my emotional distress. I forgot that thoughts are not facts.

 

This essay discusses the art of cognitive restructuring, or in everyday language, “reframing” or “rewriting” the script that influences our emotional state. In no particular order, the following suggestions include identifying, evaluating, and utilizing this approach to challenge negative self-talk.

             Recognize the power of cognitive reappraisal.

• Recognizing that changing your thoughts can greatly influence your mood is a crucial step in identifying negative self-talk. We tend to "feel the way we think." In other words, if I feel upset, depressed, stressed, or otherwise out of sorts, it serves as a strong indication that negative self-talk is at play.
• Once recognized, confronting negative self-talk becomes possible. A simple question like, “Where's the proof?” when faced with thoughts such as, “I can’t stand this” or “I’ll never be able to do this,” can transform the underlying beliefs that lead to negative emotions.

Identify the stressor

• Recognizing negative self-talk is crucial, but it is situation-specific. Something—an event or another stimulus—triggers the toxic thought, and identifying that trigger allows one to act on it rather than simply reacting in the future.
• Acknowledge your emotional response to the stressor after identifying the specific event or situation causing stress. As many social media gurus paraphrase, “To be found, you must first admit that you are lost.”

Challenge your initial interpretation.

• As noted above, “thoughts are not facts,” and examining the validity of negative thoughts presents a chance to rewrite your life’s screenplay. Reflect on whether your current situation perspective is the only possible interpretation. This process starts with the simple question, “Where’s the proof?”
• Rephrase the negative self-talk in three or more ways, then identify a more likely explanation for the misinterpreted event. This “reframe” is likely to be more plausible and less distressing.

Look for potential benefits.

• Reframe stress as a potential enhancement, viewing pressure as fuel for performance. Richard Bach wrote in his book* Illusions*, “There’s no such thing as a problem without its gift inside. The reason we have problems is that we need their gifts.”
• Reflect on how overcoming this challenge can encourage personal growth and learning.

Adopt a balanced perspective.

• To follow up on the previous suggestion, economists recommend conducting a cost-benefit analysis when facing a challenging situation. This approach is sometimes called the “Theory A vs. Theory B” method. Evaluate your self-talk's “costs” and “benefits,” then determine its usefulness.
• This approach allows you to examine the veracity of your negative self-talk as fact (Theory A) by questioning its accuracy by asking, ‘Where’s the proof?’ - Theory B.
• Compare the evidence for both theories to gain a more balanced perspective.

Practice perspective-shifting

• Consider viewing the situation from another person's perspective. This reflects a professional interpretation of the adage about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. One effective way to achieve this when faced with upsetting behavior from others is to challenge yourself to identify three or more alternative explanations for why the individual acted or spoke as they did. Doing so can help reduce the stress response and provide new insights.

Focus on controllable aspects.

• Identify the elements of the situation that you can influence or change. This recommendation is simple but not necessarily easy to follow. In Alcoholics Anonymous, each meeting begins with the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Once you grasp this, direct your energy towards these actionable areas.

Develop a new narrative.

• After reflecting on these steps, you are ready to create a more empowering narrative about the stressful event—“to talk sense to yourself.”
• Focus on your ability to adapt and learn from the experience.

Practice self-compassion

• Indeed, this is merely “psycho-babble” unless you approach your journey through the reframing process with kindness and understanding for yourself.
• Acknowledge that stress is a common human experience.
• Remember, not all stress is bad; only that generated by negative self-talk, known as distress, is. Just as muscles that remain unstressed atrophy, so do one’s self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect.

These suggestions can help you better understand your distress and frustration, potentially leading to a more positive emotional state and an enhanced ability to cope with challenging situations.