Willpower is arguably a social construction that we humans have conjured up to explain why some are successful in controlling their behavior while others are not -- For those who do, we say they “have willpower” while those who do not, don’t.
What is willpower but a means by which we choose to measure our ability to control ourselves and/or our
environment. This preoccupation with control, especially when measured regarding our ability to regulate our personal behavior, lends itself to a binomial consideration of success…we either succeed or fail in exercising that control. However, it is just this point…viewing willpower as an ability one either possesses or not…that results in self-defeating beliefs when struggling with efforts to self-direct behavior change. But what if willpower is not so much an ability one either has or does not have, like a biological trait genetically passed along by birth parents, but a skill capable of development like any other?
The first step in developing this skill of self-regulation is identifying the specific details associated with the behavior I am trying to regulate. If, for example, I “drink too much” and have come to the realization that I have a “drinking problem,” then the behavior I am trying to regulate is my drinking and my objective is to drink less if not quit altogether. Although “not drinking” may seem the obvious objective, until and unless I understand the details associated with my issue, I am likely to think that the only option available to meet my quit-objective is to “will myself” to “not do it,” the white-knuckle approach to change if you will. With willpower as my perceived only approach to change, I assign the responsibility for my success to a supposed character trait, one that I may or may not have. In short, viewing willpower as a trait relegates my ability to change to the genes I inherited from my biological parents, which makes the likelihood of my success little more than a crapshoot. But is this an accurate assessment of how people change? Are only “some of us” destined to change our behavior should we wish to do so?
And what if “willpower” is a skill rather than a trait? A skill, like any other, capable of development over time through practice. By attending to the details of my behavior, for example, my drinking, I can identify important clues that affect my ability to change it…or change my gambling habit, or failure to take my medication, or “whatever” it is I seek to change. If what-causes-a-problem-is-a-problem-when-it-causes-a-problem, then the more I know about “it,” the better prepared I am to make appropriate behavioral changes that support my ultimate change objective. When I do “it,” where I do “it,” with whom I do “it,” etc. This is consistent with viewing willpower as a skill that I develop. Like the old joke about the visitor to N. Y. City when asking the maestro, “How do I get to Carnegie Hall” gets the reply, “Practice, practice, practice,” the will to change is as much a skill that one develops as it is a personal desire to alter one’s behavior.
The more I know about “my habit” or the pattern of behavior I wish to change, the better prepared I am to address it. And when I do decide to address it, I am choosing to act on that behavior rather than react to it. This means my success in changing my behavior has more to do with the steps I take that support that change than the amount of willpower I may or may not have been born with. In short, as a skill, willpower is something developed, strengthened, controlled, and then, directed.
