Thoughts on recognizing signal emotions
Sign, sign
Everywhere a sign
Blockin’ out the scenery
Breakin’ my mind
Do this, don’t do that
Can’t you read the sign?
Recognizing the significance of the social and cultural signs we encounter daily is an essential—if not the quintessential—part of contemporary life. One symptom of someone on the autism spectrum is difficulty recognizing these signs and social situations in general – think Sheldon on The Big Bang. But unlike Sheldon whose difficulty recognizing these signs indicates a neurological disorder, we often fail to recognize how much they affect our relationship with others. Fortunately, just as spoken language develops through our interaction with native speakers, so does our ability to appreciate the significance of these social cues and, albeit unconsciously, enable us to interpret them and function socially.
As these social cues or signals enable us to navigate our external social environment, there are internal, emotional cues or signals that affect our mood, behavior, and, as a result, the way we feel and act. Recognizing these signal emotions, especially those we view as “negative,” is an important step in minimizing stress and, in general, preserving a neutral if not a positive outlook on life.
Appreciating that these signals, “hot-button” emotions if you will, have the potential to skew our outlook negatively is important in maintaining a positive outlook. By knowing the emotional triggers of negativity, it is possible to develop a plan to minimize stress. So, what are these “hot-button” emotions? In no order of significance, they are:
· Fear
· Frustration
· Anger
· Anxiety
· Grief
Often, we’re taught from childhood to ignore, minimize, or simply let go of, a.k.a. deny these “feelings.” However, doing so, especially on a consistent basis, can fuel behavioral reactions that result in behavior we later regret. Like a liquid under heat in a sealed container, pressure builds until experiencing an uncontrolled release of that energy.
In high school physics, we learn that energy is neither created nor destroyed, only conserved, transferred, or transformed. Likewise, we can say the same of emotional energy as well. “Conserving” this energy results in holding it in by suppressing it, which can produce potential physical consequences such as high blood pressure, insomnia, and substance use, not to mention the likelihood of verbal and/or behavioral outbursts. To transfer this emotional energy involves emoting or “venting” but this simply moves it from one place—me, to another—you, and does nothing to address its source.
Transforming emotional energy may be the only true “practical means” by which to address this emotional energy associated with these hot-button issues. This involves a creative, more proactive step. In short, a move that “transforms” the negative energy associated with these emotions into a type of fuel that enables the conversion of fear into a challenge, frustration into learning, anger into motivation, anxiety into anticipation, and grief into reverence.
For example, the fear I feel as the result of a mistake I made becomes a challenge to identify how to avoid repeating it in the future if not resolve its consequences in the present. My frustration about having to deal once again with an obstinate “other” becomes an opportunity to learn a new approach or strategy for dealing with such individuals. The anger felt because things did not go the way I hoped becomes the motivation to “think outside the box” for a different solution. My anxiety about making a presentation to executives becomes an anticipation of sharing my ideas with those who can appreciate them. And my grief on losing my close friend becomes, as Dr. Seuss said, not a reason to cry because it’s over but an opportunity to smile because it happened.
Self-awareness allows us to transform hot-button emotions. This act of conversion is evidence of personal control. And maintaining a sense of personal control in high-stress or emotionally charged situations becomes a safety valve that encourages acting on rather than reacting to whatever life happens to pass our way.
We all know what we learn and learn what’s taught, but it is important to remember that that’s not all there is to be known.
What do you think?
