The Self-Directed Daily Inventory

It is tempting to think that a "good" or "bad" day results from a single event. Although a particularly wonderful event can buoy one’s spirits or an equally upsetting experience result in sadness or emotional upset, most days tend to be typical, the result of a series of events or experiences…some “good” and some “not so good.”

Individual events that become the exclusive focus of one’s attention can impact we evaluate a given day. When assessing a given day as “good” or “bad,” considering an isolated event or series of events restricted to a narrow focus of experience during that day can result in frustration if not depression. This is especially likely if several such “bad days” occur in a row. Such experiences foster what professional counselors and therapists refer to as “negative self-talk” or what those familiar with A.A. call, stinkin’ thinkin’.

The purpose of the exercise outlined here is to increase the likelihood of considering the “big picture” when evaluating a typical day. The Self-Directed Daily Inventory (SDI) is a daily activity designed to help one slow down their thinking, step back to consider multiple variables that affect mood, and look at the “big picture.” In doing so, it is possible to realize that things are not always the way they appear to be when considering just a “snapshot” of events in one’s day to evaluate it.

When employing the SDI, identifying specific categories of experience that YOU view as important in evaluating your day and then considering them independently to assess how “good” or “bad” your day was in each of those categories provides a more objective and therefore accurate assessment of one’s true experience. Using a set of evaluating criteria you establish for each of these categories facilitates this “stepping back” to consider the bigger picture. For example, identifying a minimum of five and a maximum of seven key assessment categories you deem important areas in your life and then evaluating your day in each category provides a more realistic overview of that day. Averaging the individual scores assessed for each of these 5 to 7 critical areas then yields a more accurate “score” regarding the day.

Specifically, use a simple “1 to 5” scale to evaluate each category. Describe the criteria that denote the lower and upper ends of this scale for each category with conditions or experiences you believe describe “bad” or “good” for that category. Next, total the scores for each category, find the average score (the total of all daily scores divided by the number of scores), and post this average on a graph to view progress or “change” on a daily basis.

This simple technique “forces” consideration of the “big picture” when determining progress or improvement in regaining personal control in one’s life.

To create your own step-by-step set of instructions, using 7 sample categories. You will need to choose your own important life categories and define the scale used for evaluation for this exercise to be effective. You can find a sample set of worksheets and instructions at https://tinyurl.com/S-DDaily-inventory

Becoming Your Own Best Friend: Affirmation #1

Negative self-talk or "stinkin' thinkin' " sabotages self-confidence, fosters procrastination, and is a primary contributor to doubt, irrational fear, and anxiety. It often results from long-forgotten but nonetheless influential criticism, the thoughtlessness of others, or the disregard or neglect of someone important in your life.

We know what we learn and learn what we are taught, hence, how often do I have to hear "you will never amount to anything" or "you are a real disappointment" before I start to believe what I am being taught?

But although I know what I have learned and learned what I was taught, that does not represent all there is to know. Someone else's opinion is not synonymous with fact. And my negative self-talk is simply the thoughts I have that echo those opinions of others and THOUGHTS ARE NOT FACTS.

Because thoughts are not facts, we can challenge and refute them. Referring back to my previous post, I might ask myself, "Robert...where's the proof that ____ is fact? And even if there is some history that suggests it was so in the past, what's to say it must always be?"

What follows is the first of several affirmations or "negative self-talk challenging messages" that may help improve confidence and self-respect as well as turn down the volume just a bit on the "stinkin' thinkin' "

If one or more of these affirmations resonate for you, write it down and look for opportunities to speak it aloud (if alone) or read it to yourself several times a day...the more you practice, the lower the volume on negative self-talk. (if you want an exercise designed to help you accomplish this, leave a note in the comments section below). NOTE: Established negative thinkers will react to these affirmations when first reading them as if they are nonsense. Say/read them anyway..."fake it till you make it"

AFFIRMATION #1: • Everything that happens around me shall work out for the good of all concerned o When I do my best and work my hardest I will succeed. If success in my specific task eludes me, then the success is learning from the experience - What do I do next time? What could I do differently next time? What can I avoid next time? What can I add to my plan next time? No one ever fails, we simply succeed at learning what to try differently next time.

3rd Person Self-Talk and Self-Directed Behavior Change; How to Talk Sense to Yourself

Has a friend or family member ever approached you seeking advice on how best to deal with a personal issue or approach an important personal decision? If you are like most humans, the answer is yes. And when approached, were you able to proffer an opinion or provide the requested advice? Again, the answer is likely yes. This is because most of us are relatively good in such situations because we view ourselves as “detached” from the situation. Because of this detachment, we are more objective and offer reasoned advice.

 

Ethan Kross, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, has published research that finds that when individuals conduct their self-talk in the 3^rd person, that is referring to themselves by 1^st name or as he/she, him/her we can achieve that same degree of psychological detachment that enables us to provide more logical and rational advice to ourselves. Consider this example:

 

Instead of thinking, I can lose the weight needed to look good on the beach this summer, I say to myself, Robert, you can lose the weight needed to look good on the beach this summer.

 

Thinking in the 1^st person is a habit that is difficult to break. Why? Because we have likely been doing it for decades! However, when finding myself thinking in the 1^st person, I can “translate” those thoughts into the 3^rd person easily by simply inserting a 3^rd person pronoun or my first name, a nickname I go by, or my last name if that is how others generally refer to me – think “Gibbs” on NCIS – and create that psychological detachment that brings added clarity, reason, and logic to my thinking.

 

This can be a very helpful aid to accomplishing self-directed behavior change. Engaging in 3^rd-person self-talk about losing weight, quitting smoking, drinking less, or exercising more can help prevent self-doubt from derailing a change plan.

 

Before dismissing this idea by saying you do not want to sound like Dobby the House Elf in Harry Potter, remember we are talking about "self-talk" here...that is $10 psychobabble for "private personal thoughts," the ones no one hears except you :)

 

Robert – remember that willpower is a skill that you develop with practice rather than, I don’t have the willpower necessary to succeed; I’ll never be able to change.

Change is an inside job, Robert; one that you can accomplish because it is more about attitude than effort rather than, Change is just too hard for me; I will never be able to do this.

 

What do you think?

 

To read more about 3^rd-person self-talk as an aid in stress management, ending negative self-talk, or quietening anxiety, CLICK HERE.

 

Dr. Robert