Self-disclosing vs. Self-involving Statements in Counseling

Counselors need to be careful regarding the use of self-disclosure as a therapeutic technique, especially early-on in a counseling relationship.  It can pose a problem or even sabotage a counseling relationship when a counselor self-discloses a message that can be perceived by the client as what “should/should not be done"...or even invite self-demeaning, as the client believes that change is personally elusive yet something the counselor has mastered. 

An effective counselor can likely accomplish much of what is attractive about self-disclosure—the humanness of sharing oneself, engaging the client in a collaborative relationship, empowering the client, personalizing the collaborative relationship—by employing techniques associated with reflective listening.  Keep in mind, most counselors considering self-disclosure want their client to “feel better/safer/more accepted,” yet doing this without the self-disclosure, and by focusing instead on supporting the client, is a safer and more proactive way of accomplishing this objective.  The technical term to describe this alternative is self-involving statements – see http://1.usa.gov/KhNEO9 .  In such statements, the counselor can “speak from the heart,” yet stop short of sharing his or her life story.

For example, when a client shares about a personal trauma to which the counselor can relate, instead of sharing the details related to this fact, the counselor might say, “I can tell how difficult it is for you to talk about this.  I know the courage it takes to do so, essentially with a stranger, and I appreciate your trust.  Sharing like this with me suggests the progress you are making in counseling and leads me to believe that our treatment goals and objectives continue to be appropriate,” or something like this.

Notice how the counselor is able to infuse the dialogue with a distinctly personal air yet without having to “self-disclose” personal information in order to do so.  This enables the counselor to be "in the moment" and become personal yet continue to establish and maintain appropriate boundaries with a client.  Further, such statements become very important when self-disclosing “my story” could superimpose a set of “how-it-should-be-done” expectations or standards on the client.

A good example of this is the counselor who is in his or her own recovery, perhaps from a substance use disorder and attends 12-step meetings regularly.  As much as the counselor believes that sharing his/her story in response to a client’s fear that “things will never change” and “I guess my father was right when he called me a loser,” what the client may hear when being told the counselor’s story is, “unless you go to AA/NA and stay involved with AA/NA, nothing is going to change.”  This may not be an issue for the client who views 12-step programs as beneficial or at least a “non-issue,” but for the client who wants no part of such a recovery, at least right now, this self-disclosure could inadvertently alienate the client who now believes that the counselor will sooner or later suggest AA and impose “his/her way” of recovery.

I would suggest that supervisors at least consider discussing self-involving statements as a possible alternative to self-disclosure, at least in the earlier stages of a clinical relationship.

What do you think?

Dr. Robert