Self-disclosing vs. Self-involving Statements in Counseling

Counselors must exercise caution when using self-disclosure as a therapeutic technique, especially early in a counseling relationship. Self-disclosure can pose a problem or even sabotage a relationship when a practitioner conveys a message that the client perceives as implying what “should/should not be done.” Premature practitioner self-disclosure can even prompt clients to entertain self-demeaning thoughts, as they believe that change is elusive yet something the counselor has mastered. 

 

An effective counselor can likely accomplish much of what is attractive about self-disclosure—the humanness of sharing oneself, engaging the client in a collaborative relationship, empowering the client, and personalizing the collaborative relationship—by employing techniques associated with reflective listening. Remember that most counselors considering self-disclosure want their client to “feel better/safer/more accepted,” yet doing this without the self-disclosure and focusing instead on supporting the client is a safer and more proactive way of accomplishing this objective. The technical term to describe this alternative is self-involving statements. In such statements, the counselor can “speak from the heart” yet stop short of sharing his or her life story.

 

For example, when a client shares about a personal trauma to which the counselor can relate, instead of sharing the details associated with this fact, the counselor might say, “I can tell how difficult it is for you to talk about this. I know the courage it takes to do so, essentially with a stranger, and I appreciate your trust. Sharing like this with me suggests the progress you are making in counseling and leads me to believe that our treatment goals and objectives continue to be appropriate,” or something like this.

 

Notice how the counselor can infuse the dialogue with a distinctly personal air without having to “self-disclose” personal information. This enables the counselor to be “in the moment” and become personal while continuing to establish and maintain appropriate boundaries with a client. Further, such statements become very important when self-disclosing “my story” could superimpose a set of “how-it-should-be-done” expectations or standards on the client.

 

A good example of this is the counselor who is in his or her recovery, perhaps from a substance use disorder, and attends 12-step meetings regularly. As much as the counselor believes that sharing their story in response to a client’s fear that “things will never change” and “I guess my father was right when he called me a loser,” what the client may hear when told the counselor’s story is, “unless you go to AA/NA and stay involved with AA/NA, nothing is going to change.”  This may not be an issue for the client who views 12-step programs as beneficial or at least a “non-issue.” Still, for the client who wants no part of such a recovery, at least right now, this self-disclosure could inadvertently alienate the client who now believes that the counselor will sooner or later suggest AA and impose “his/her way” of recovery.

 

A challenge that recovering practitioners who are active in AA or NA face is how to differentiate between “sponsoring” and “counseling.” Establishing a relationship with “a sponsor” in AA or NA is a cornerstone of recovery in 12-step programs and, for many, a key component of its success. In such relationships, sponsors intentionally focus on themselves as they share “what it was like, what happened, and what it’s like now.” In 12-step parlance, sponsors share their experience, strength, and hope, essentially their personal stories of dependence and recovery with the individual they sponsor. This is essentially the antithesis of what effective counselors learn when trained to engage someone in a clinical relationship. 

 

Consequently, the recovering practitioner must understand the difference between the relationship one establishes with another 12-step member and the relationship professional counselors and therapists develop with their clients. This is not an easy task, especially for the recovering practitioner who recognizes that their recovery is due in large part to their involvement in a 12-step program. For this reason, supervisors should consider broaching this subject with their recovering supervisees and discussing the use of self-involving statements to covey their presence with clients as a possible alternative to the self-disclosure that is the hallmark of sponsorship, at least in the earlier stages of a clinical relationship.

 

What do you think?

Dr. Robert