Understanding Twelve-Step Programs

Elevator to sobriety out; use the steps

For 40 years I have had people ask why I would/how I could work with people who have a substance use disorder.  I have stopped trying to answer the question in such a way as to help the asker appreciate my reasons.  Instead, I ask what prompts the question.

Frequently I hear something along the lines of how difficult "those people" are to work with or how frustrating/heartbreaking/exasperating it is to try and facilitate change with someone who "just is not ready."  Instead of an answer intended to change the views of someone who has likely already made up his or her mind about "those people," I ask if they have ever visited places where "the changed" congregate.  I generally get a look that communicates, "what are you talking about" to which I say, "You know...to a 12-step meeting."  Invariably the answer is no.

If anyone has doubts that individuals with substance use disorders change, they need go no further than the nearest "open" AA or NA meeting, take a seat at the back of the room, settle in, and just listen.  The stories of recovery range from heartbreaking to hilarious, but they are all genuine and inspirational.

If you have ever wondered about addiction or are curious about what leads someone with a substance use disorder to pursue change, then attending several open 12-step meetings is highly recommended.  If this sounds like something you might consider, here are some guidelines I provide to my students when directing them to attend meetings as part of my Introduction to Addictive Disorders class.  Considering them may make attending a bit less intimidating and significantly more enjoyable:

What to Expect When Attending “Open” 12-Step Meetings:

 Suggestions regarding Etiquette

1.    Unless you are personally addicted to the substance being addressed at a particular 12-step meeting, e.g., alcohol at an AA meeting, only attend "open" meetings of a 12-step group. "Open" meetings are just that, open to anyone who may want to attend a meeting or learn more about the 12-step program of recovery.

2.    Expect to be greeted at the door when you arrive. The greeter may shake hands occasionally s/he may offer a "hug" (this is not all that common). Be prepared for the greeter to ask something like, "Is this you first meeting?" or "Have you been to a ___ meeting before?" Do not hesitate to say that you are attending because you want to learn more about ___ meetings and this is part of a class assignment. Ask to be sure that the meeting is "open."

3.    While rare, do not be surprised if the person becomes a bit "cool" if you say you are attending as a student in order to learn (this is more likely indicative of the person's lack of confidence when speaking with "a professional" than a rejection of you as a person or "outsider." Remember that "open" meetings are open to anyone.

4.   Unless advertised as a "non-smoking" meeting, expect smoking.

5.    Expect the meetings to last between 1 and 1.5 hours. Some will take a brief break after 30 - 45 minutes (usually the smoke-free meetings).

6.    Most meetings begin with some variation of the following ritual - the Serenity Prayer, greetings from the "chair" for the evening, a reading of the 12-step (perhaps the 12-traditions), perhaps a reading from the big book or other 12-step literature to set the stage for the group.

7.    Expect the chair to ask if there are any new comers attending for the first time. DO NOT feel obligated to raise your hand. If you do, expect to be personally welcomed. It is also likely that someone will approach you at the break or after the meeting and ask if you have questions. DO NOT hesitate to say you are a student and attending the meeting to learn. The person may appear "cool," but this is probably because s/he felt comfortable approaching you as a new comer to the program, i.e., an addict, but is uncomfortable speaking with you as "a counselor."

8.     Expect that a basket will be passed for donations. DO NOT feel obligated to put something in the basket, but if you do, $1 is plenty.

9.    Do not be surprised if you are asked to read something or asked if you would care to speak. I suggest reading the paragraph or step or whatever, but as regards speaking, just say, "I'm here to learn and would like to pass" or something of the sort.

10.       Do not hesitate to let anyone know you are a student and why you are there. MOST members are pleased to answer questions and may even tell you how pleased they are that you are.

111.         Do not be surprised if someone approaches you after the meeting and offers you her/his phone number. This is common practice and part of the tradition of helping, NOT someone trying to hit on you.

112.         Consider attending the meetings with a friend, preferably someone from the class. This will assuage the anxiousness some students experience when attending their first meeting. It is also an excellent way to process the experience after the meeting - remember, you have to write a paper on your experience attending the meetings.

    Enjoy yourself   

    Dr. Robert