The Power of Presence:

Self-Involving Statements in Therapeutic Relationships

 

 

While corresponding with a former student who is in her first professional position post-bachelor's degree, the topic of using self-disclosure came up. Although discussed in classes, the issue took on greater significance for the student, given her recovery from a substance use disorder, her position in a SUD treatment program, and her recent experience with a client. I thought sharing the gist of this correspondence as a post might interest followers of this blog.

 

 

Congratulations on the offer to go full-time. Such an offer speaks to both the quality of your work as a practitioner and your value to the program as a team member; I am not surprised. My experience has always been that as individuals with substance use disorders recover, they do not just get well; they get really, REALLY well :) Over the years, as I have come to watch those individuals who find recovery in 12-step programs, some of whom seem to thrive and truly blossom, I have come to realize that people with addictive disorders tend to be among the more sensitive and, therefore empathetic people I have met—when using, that was a big part of the problem. As you know, this is not, in and of itself, sufficient to make an effective counselor. Still, when harnessed, in tandem with training and education in counseling technique and practice, these individuals can mature into, to quote folks of your generation, 'awesome' practitioners. I do not doubt that you have the potential to be one of them.

 

Your comment about the young gentleman who seems to have confided in you when learning that you have "walked the walk" is not uncommon. The challenge for you as a professional contemplating the use of this type of disclosure, however, is to be sure you know (1) why you are self-disclosing and for what purpose and (2) realize that for self-disclosure to enhance the counseling relationship and benefit the client, it is essential to ensure its use benefits the client and not the counselor. For this reason, it is generally a good idea to self-disclose "later" rather than "sooner" in the counseling relationship, perhaps as the response to a client's inquiry if you are in recovery, having watched you and come to suspect you may be by your actions rather than wearing it like a badge of honor. As the old saying goes, let your actions speak for you. When you "act like" a recovering person, people will notice, and one "acts like" a recovering person by doing what they need to do to stay clean and sober "one day at a time." As the slogan in the program suggests, "do the next right thing."

 

Remember from our classes the difference between self-involving and self-disclosing statements a counselor can make. Both can convey a personal connection and allow the client to relate more easily to the counselor. The self-disclosing statement, however, necessitates having to place the focus on you to enter the client's space and demonstrate the ability to connect. The self-involving statement, however, maintains the focus on the client and allows the counselor to meet the client personally and demonstrate the ability to empathize. A self-disclosing statement is something like, "I know what you mean because, in my early recovery, I felt alone and afraid most of the time too." Notice all the "I" statements...the focus is on the counselor, not the client. 

 

 

The self-involving statement goes, "You seem to be struggling with the fear that feeling isolated and alone tends to create - (this is an empathic reflection, as you learned in class). Your willingness to share this with me in our session and accept my suggestion to take it to the group shows the progress you have made in your recovery. 6-weeks ago, you would have just said 'screw it' and got high; today, you shared it with me and are ready to work on it; I am proud of you" - (this is the heart of the self-involving part of the statement).

 

Remember, 'you do best what you do most.' The more you do what you learned in school and continue to learn on the job and in supervision, the better you will become at doing it. You are a better counselor today, 'student's name,' than you were yesterday, and nowhere near the counselor you will become tomorrow :) Your progress is evident, and I have full confidence in your potential.

 

 

Self-disclosure is easy and seems like an effective way to help someone feel comfortable and trusting, but it can be a double-edged sword. Although you may intend it as a means of connecting with your client, they may take it as you implying how they should address their problem. It is better to engage the client by entering their experience, as a parent might do with a young child, than by expecting them to join yours.

What do you think?


Dr. Robert