Coping with Urges & Cravings

Black and white thinking is a mitigating factor that can often make urges and cravings seem "unbearable." The belief that "I cannot stand this" or "I am never going to be able change this" can, at times, be overwhelming. That said, remember the 12-step slogan, “Bring the body and the mind will follow.” What this means is that even if something does not “feel” like the small, immediate steps taken to affect change or deal with the cravings to use are producing results, "knowing" that they can and do for others in recovery, and repeating these small steps as often as is necessary to affect change, will eventually enable one’s “feelings” to catch up. “Knowing/understanding” the basic principle of cognitive therapy, namely, "you feel the way you think," allows one to appreciate the positive, proactive alternatives to the “cognitive distortions” or “irrational beliefs” (what AA calls stinkin' thinkin') that amplify the cravings to use. Knowing this enables one to continue to refute the negative automatic thoughts and (this is very important) engage in other more positive behaviors/activities, which slowly but surely begin to compete with the negative self-talk. As the negative self-talk that intensifies the cravings to use is assuaged, it becomes possible to "see past the cravings" and recognize that as difficult as this may seem at the moment, "this too shall pass" as another of AA's slogans exhorts.

It is like when you get a dumb song stuck in your head and cannot, seemingly, stop thinking about it. The more you tell yourself I should not be thinking this, the more entrenched the obdurate tune becomes. The way you “break the cycle” is to occupy the mind with other things...busy work, challenging intellectual conversation, etc. By diverting attention to the positive, the negative is eliminated. Even if the negative thought returns, then I engage in the antidote again—refocusing my attention on something else and/or simply doing something else—the negative thought is again “starved for attention” and dissipates. This does not happen “like that,” and it takes a commitment to follow through, hence the “between session practice activities” (a.k.a. Homework) counselors often prescribes for their client.

In short, trying not to think about something by telling yourself “I should not be thinking about this” or concentrating all my energy and attention on refuting the negative thought is to make the negative the issue of primacy...and it is reinforced. The way out of this cycle is to simply say, “I am not going to do this any more” and then do something else. This is why in 12-step programs they suggest the way to combat an obsession is to “don’t drink; go to a meeting; pray if you can.” Now this may seem like a rather narrow and somewhat overly simplistic as an answer to an otherwise overwhelming and frustrating problem, but it is based on a very simple but nonetheless effective premise: You cannot dwell on the negative when you are busy doing something else...even if you have to make yourself do that something else. Remember...the definition of a crisis is a period of instability and chaos sandwiched between two periods of relative stability and calm. The same is true for cravings...in the moment, it seems insurmountable, but by its definition a craving is temporary.

As silly as this exercise may seem, consider the following:

(Imagine me saying this and not writing it) - “Can you spell “Mississippi?”
Next, “Can you add: 23 + 48 + 74 + 96 + 13?”
The answer to both is yes
However, can you spell Mississippi WHILE YOU ADD—that is, at the same time as you add—23 + 48 + 74 + 96 + 13?

The answer is no, you cannot because the two separate tasks require two different mental processes that go on in 2 different areas of the brain. If “spelling Mississippi” is the equivalent of “negative automatic thoughts” or craving to use, then start “adding columns of 2-diget numbers” until the “negative automatic thought” ceases. This may not be “fun” and it may seem “silly” or “boring” or “hopeless,” but remember, “you do best what you do most.” The choice is the changer’s to make...will what I do be something that reinforces the negative or moves me in another direction? As Voltaire said in his book, Candide, “Argue for your limitations and you shall have then.”

What do you think?

Robert