All I Really Need to Know (About Student Affairs)

I Learned in Kindergarten

---

"All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

These are the things I learned:

    * Share everything.

    * Play fair.

    * Don't hit people.

    * Put things back where you found them.

    * Clean up your own mess.

    * Don't take things that aren't yours.

    * Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

    * Wash your hands before you eat.

    * Flush.

    * Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

    * Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and   play and work every day some.

    * Take a nap every afternoon.

    * When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.

    * Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

    * Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.

    * And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK."

"Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items, extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms, apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear, and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together  (Robert Fulghum, 1990 - http://www.peace.ca/kindergarten.htm).

In this essay, I accept Mr. Fulgham's challenge; I am looking at his list of rules for a more orderly, sane, and compassionate approach to life and applying them to Student Affairs work in general and alcohol and other drug counseling & prevention specifically. These are my views on, “All I Really Need to Know (About Student Affairs) I Leaned in Kindergarten."

• As regards, Share everything. No one chooses to work in student affairs or dedicate his or her life to preventing high-risk drinking in order to get rich. There is, however, the Siren's call of fame and notoriety associated with developing cutting-edge strategies, publishing seminal articles, delivering entertaining lectures, and proffering innovative theories. In the second decade of the 21^st century, well into the digital information age, we all have access to a convenient “on-ramp to the information superhighway.” In light of this, we need to remember the adage of countless recovering alcoholics in AA, "In order to keep it, you have to give it away"; it is all about the students. If we are people first, counselors, “prevention specialists,” and student affairs professionals second, then we need to be vigilant that the twin Sirens' of hubris and pride do not call us to our spiritual demise.
• As regards, Play fair. Prevention is a process. It is not an event. Just as any counselor who ever mounted a successful intervention with an addicted client did so by standing on the shoulders of numerous others who had previously intervened, students that change their behavior do so as the result of an epiphany that results from the concerted efforts of myriad others…parents, faculty, student affairs professionals, counselors, coaches, roommates, and friends. We all make a difference, everyone. It is when we play fair and realize that rare is the occasion when we are the be all and end all of change in a student's/client's life. Again, borrowing from AA, we can do together what none of us are able to do alone.
• As regards, Don't hit people. Understand that physical violence is never the answer, and few of us would disagree, but as anyone who survived the taunts of a playground bully will attest, there are "hits" that hurt more than physical contact. Rumor, innuendo, gossip, and intimation are formidable weapons with which one can bludgeon the character of a colleague or stifle an innovative, albeit provocative idea. Although discussion and debate are always welcome in higher ed, backbiting and petty jealousy are not.
• As regards, Put things back where you found them. Whether it is straightening the chairs and wiping the chalkboard clean after a presentation in a classroom or returning books to colleagues—or the library—it always a good idea to police our own lives, public and private. No one, irrespective of age, position, credentials, or stature is beyond the dictates of civility.
• As regards, Clean up your own mess. We all have bad days. Consequently, we all make mistakes. When “it” happens—and “it” always happens—accept the responsibility and move on. Students watch us and learn more by what we do than by what we say. Although there may be reasons for the errors we make, there are no excuses for sidestepping the consequences.
• As regards, Don't take things that aren't yours. Plagiarism…don't do it…enough said.
• As regards, Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. Ever refer to another, in less than flattering terms, in a response to what you thought was a private email only to learn your reply went to an entire listserv? Ever say something about a colleague only to have it come back in the form of an inquiry, in person, from the colleague? Take a lead from the AA playbook: Acknowledge the mistake; make amends; learn from the experience.
• As regards, Wash your hands before you eat. Again I borrow from AA, "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it" (10^th step of AA). Some call it a reality check…others, "Keepin' it green." Whatever we call it, it is important to always remember that we are people first and our role/profession second. Remember: Even with a PhD and the author of a published essay, I am still little Bobby Jacque when I cross the threshold of my parent’s house.
• As regards, Flush. After making the mistake, after the student sees us acting contrary to our message in the classroom, after we have missed the deadline, failed to file the report, "whatever," do what needs doing to assuage the guilt/make amends and then, "let…it…go." As a supervisor once told me, “Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it”!
• As regards, Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Acknowledgements, kudos, and heart felt thanks, be they from supervisors, administrators, colleagues, students, or parents are good; accept them, smile, and say thank you. More to the point, and as a mentor of mine once told me, "Think of someone to thank for something each day; then act on the thought."
• As regards, Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. Attend a workshop, present at a conference, take a colleague to lunch and refuse to talk shop, play hooky from an afternoon at the national conference and ride a horse. Adopt the M.A.S.H. philosophy of human service: Never give less than your best and all of it you've got, but when finished with the work, don’t be afraid to laugh…with each other and at yourself.
• As regards, Take a nap every afternoon. Close the office door, dim the lights, take the phone off the hook—shut down the computer—and then sit back, close your eyes, and walk at least one mile on the beach. Count the sand pipers darting in and out of the waves on the shore…hear the gulls, the surf…smell the salt air…feel the sun's rays on the back of your neck.
• As regards, When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together. Every one of us is a better student affairs professional today than we were yesterday…and none of us
  
  is as good as we will be tomorrow. We know what we have learned and learned what was taught. Growth is the realization that more is available if we are willing to ask for it…and listen as those who have what we need pause to instruct us.  As the 60s poster Admonished, Life is a journey, not a decision.
• As regards, Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. No student affairs professional ever changed any student…not one. Those we recognize as truly effective in their student affairs efforts are actually those who motivate students to change themselves.
• As regards, Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we. On our best day we can help the students we serve; we cannot save them. Suicides will occur. Alcohol poisoning will happen. Sexual assault will take place. The truth be told, we cannot prevent these—at least not all of these—but we nonetheless make a difference. My job is to help…saving is in much larger hands than mine.
• As regards, And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK. Mork from Ork in that 70s TV series had it right. On Ork, you are born old and as you grow and mature you become younger and younger to where the most sage Orkian elder was a boy of 5. Our students have much to teach us if we will but listen.

---

Fulghum, Robert; 1990. All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten, Villard Books:      New York, NY; pp. 6-7

Physics for Prevention Specialists

Imagine you are standing in the aisle of an express train moving down the tracks, bouncing a ball. The ball leaves your hand at point “A,” drops to the floor and bounces straight back, which to all in the passenger car is in the same place as when the ball was released, point “A.” Meanwhile, outside, standing on a platform in a station as the express passes through, an observer views you bouncing the ball. However, to the observer, the ball leaves your hand at point “A,” drops to the floor and bounces back to you at point “B” several feet in front of where first dropping the ball. Although it is true that we can accurately calculate the distance between points “A” and “B,” mathematically, from the perspective of the passenger on the train there has been no such movement. Quite simply, the experience of the observer and that of the observed are decidedly different. 

Ironically, neither the observer nor the observed is aware of this dissonance as each is comfortable in his or her perception of what is real. The variance between these two realities is of no consequence to either, that is until and unless a discussion between the two were to develop as to whose perception was correct. And if both the observer and the observed are not theoretical mathematicians and one was to present his or her perception of reality to the other, it would be rejected out of hand as absurd. 

Taking some liberties with this high school physics example, what if we consider the observed passenger on the train to be our collegiate drinker (the student) and the observer on the platform in the station us? It may be clear to "us" that "the student’s" behavior is high-risk if not problematic; something easily demonstrated. From the perspective of "the student," however, nothing has changed: Remember that what causes a problem, is a problem, only when it causes a perceived problem. If what causes a problem for "us" is not perceived to be a problem for "the student," why would he or she be motivated to consider changing that behavior…especially if it proffered a successful solution to a perceived real personal problem, say, social shyness or anxiety? To "us," "the student’s" drinking is a problem because he or she is under 21 and/or misses class or engages in some troublesome or nefarious behavior. To the drinker, that is to say, "the student," the drinking has accomplished what it was intended to accomplish…social engagement and interpersonal confidence with any resulting missed class an acceptable consequence of an otherwise successful ploy to address what, for the student, is the real problem.

It is a question of perspective and until and unless prevention specialists first grasp this reality and then explore it to better understand "the student's" perspective, we will continue to miss a key portion of the equation for solving the problem associated with the drinking some students do, much like the old cartoon depicted here:

Prevention specialists need to recognize that students have ascribed meaning to alcohol as a substance and "drinking" as a behavior. It is this meaning that affects their choices regarding these icons of contemporary youthful socializing. Until and unless the meaning ascribed to these icons changes, the likelihood that their behavior will change is in question. Fortunately, we know that the "maturing out" phenomenon will result in such changes in the meaning ascribed to these icons, but this generally takes several semesters if not years. This period represents a rather significant "window of opportunity" for the untoward consequences of collegiate drinking that so frequently consume the agenda of student affairs planning sessions at this time of the year.

It is recommended that prevention specialists concern themselves with better understanding the "physics" of how students ascribe meaning to these icons of youthful socializing in order to hasten the "maturing out phenomenon," thereby closing the window on risk of untoward consequences sooner.

What do you think?

Dr. Robert