Stress is something with which we are all familiar. Frequently viewed as negative, experiencing stress suggests that things are out of balance, that something is wrong. However, stress exists on a continuum that extends from good stress or “eustress” as professionals call it to distress or“bad” stress. It is the distress that gets the press as well as falsely implies that ALL stress is bad stress. 

If we did not regularly experience eustress, however, our minds and bodies would atrophy. It is the stress of exercise that develops our muscles and coordination. It is the stress associated with addressing a challenging situation that results in learning and problem-solving. So, when considering limiting the stress in one’s life we are talking about the challenge of addressing the distress in one’s life, therefore, let’s look at the sources of distress and possible approaches to dealing with them.  

The first step in controlling distress is recognizing its emotional signals – sensing fear, frustration, anger, anxiety, or grief. Although common emotions, the triggers for each may differ among diverse individuals. This is due to the unique brand of self-talk[1]or internal dialogue that everyone entertains when experiencing a given set of conditions. For example, three friends encounter the same loud and obnoxious individual yet one becomes angry while others experience fear, and a third is simply frustrated. However, irrespective of which emotional signal is present for a given individual, they all represent the presence of emotional energy. 

Emotional energy, like other forms of energy we learned about in high school science, can be (1) conserved, (2) transferred, or (3)transformed. Conserving it simply means holding it in or “bottling it up. ”Transferring it involves venting. But neither of these efforts does anything to proactively address the situational trigger and stress, perhaps distress, results. Transforming this charged or negative emotional energy is the best option as it involves a creative and therefore proactive step – making the negative energy the fuel that drives positive change. For example, turns anxiety into anticipation or excitement about an opportunity. Frustration becomes learning how to better approach a difficult person or situation. Anger transforms into the motivation to make changes. Fear converts to a challenge to think “outside the box” as a way to face adversity. Grief, especially sadness or loneliness, changes to reverence as in Dr. Seuss’s famous quote, don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.  

Familiarity with these emotional signals is vital to the self-awareness needed for this transformation to occur. It is this transformation of emotional energy that documents the existence of personal control and it is this that empowers one to act on stressful situations rather than react to them. Like a car careening down a winding mountain road when its brakes fail, it is the one in the driver’s seat who determines what happens next. 

 [1]Self-talk, especially negative self-talk is an interesting topic in and of itself, but not the focus of this essay.