Has a friend or family member ever approached you seeking advice on how best to deal with a personal issue or approach an important personal decision? If you are like most humans, the answer is yes. And when approached, were you able to proffer an opinion or provide the requested advice? Again, the answer is likely yes. This is because most of us are relatively good in such situations because we view ourselves as “detached” from the situation. Because of this detachment, we are more objective and offer reasoned advice.
Ethan Kross, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, has published research that finds that when individuals conduct their self-talk in the 3rd person, that is referring to themselves by 1st name or as he/she, him/her we can achieve that same degree of psychological detachment that enables us to provide more logical and rational advice to ourselves. Consider this example:
Instead of thinking, I can lose the weight needed to look good on the beach this summer, I say to myself, Robert, you can lose the weight needed to look good on the beach this summer.
Thinking in the 1st person is a habit that is difficult to break. Why? Because we have likely been doing it for decades! However, when finding myself thinking in the 1st person, I can “translate” those thoughts into the 3rd person easily by simply inserting a 3rd person pronoun or my first name, a nickname I go by, or my last name if that is how others generally refer to me – think “Gibbs” on NCIS – and create that psychological detachment that brings added clarity, reason, and logic to my thinking.
This can be a very helpful aid to accomplishing self-directed behavior change. Engaging in 3rd-person self-talk about losing weight, quitting smoking, drinking less, or exercising more can help prevent self-doubt from derailing a change plan.
Before dismissing this idea by saying you do not want to sound like Dobby the House Elf in Harry Potter, remember we are talking about "self-talk" here...that is $10 psychobabble for "private personal thoughts," the ones no one hears except you :)
Robert – remember that willpower is a skill that you develop with practice rather than, I don’t have the willpower necessary to succeed; I’ll never be able to change.
Change is an inside job, Robert; one that you can accomplish because it is more about attitude than effort rather than, Change is just too hard for me; I will never be able to do this.
What do you think?
To read more about 3rd-person self-talk as an aid in stress management, ending negative self-talk, or quietening anxiety, CLICK HERE.
Dr. Robert
