If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you’ve always gotten. Jessie Potter
In his book, Illusions: The adventures of a reluctant messiah (1977), Richard Bach’s protagonist encounters an enigmatic fellow barnstorming pilot who becomes his mentor. The mentor’s life lessons, collected in a small book with unnumbered pages, the Messiah's Manual & Reminders for the Advanced Soul, is essentially a book of maxims designed to provide the reader with guidance when addressing life’s challenges by simply opening to any page…hence the absence of numbered pages…and then reflecting on the revealed maxim. For example, at one point when Richard, the book’s narrator, is dealing with a vexing challenge, he opens the handbook and reads, There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts (p. 57 in the novel).
Although I recommend this tome to anyone dealing with the challenges of life[1]—in particular those coming to grips with a substance use disorder—this maxim from the Messiah’s Handbook is of particular interest when considering threats to a personal change plan. Change, while at the same time necessitating the removal of "something," promises to provide by substituting “something else” in its place. Unfortunately, one of the greatest challenges to a change plan occurs when lamenting the loss resulting from this removal.
Ironically, it is not the abandonment of some “thing” or “activity” that provokes this sense of loss but rather, the resulting void one realizes when following the forfeiture of the usual or go-to means by which to handle pain, stress, anxiety, or any other equally disquieting experience that provokes the need to seek the negative reinforcement provided by the "old behavior." Add to this that the new behaviors implemented to supplant if not block the “maladaptive behavior” are perceived as inconvenient at best and feel awkward or are otherwise viewed as “wrong,” and you have the perfect storm for scuttling even the best-intentioned and well-planned change strategy.
Those successful when implementing a change plan are those who recognize that change “gives something” as well as takes something away. This realization results when conducting something akin to what an economist calls a” cost-benefit analysis.”
Such an analysis quite literally means looking at what it costs to realize some desired outcome, for example, assuage physical or emotional pain, cope with anxiety, or compensate for a perceived defect in character or being. When the cost—and this can just as easily refer to a cost in time, effort, the opinion of others or self-respect as it can to money—of realizing a particular benefit is greater than the benefit itself, then, and only then will the prospect of change become tenable. Put another way, when the cost of the benefit received from continuing to behave in one’s “usual way” is greater than the costs associated with changing, one opts for making the change.
An activity that simplifies this cost-benefit analysis of change options involves the use of a simple 2 X 2 table. When attempting this exercise, referred to as a Decisional Balance exercise by professional counselors, label the columns in the table as "Change” and “Stay the Same” (or “quit smoking/drinking/avoiding exercise/gambling/not taking my meds/whatever” and "keep smoking/drinking/gambling" or "avoid exercise/taking my meds/whatever."
Next, label the rows as “Pros/Benefits” and “Cons/Costs.” Now over the course of several days start to record specifics details associated with each “cell” in the table. NOTE: Doing this over several days rather than “all at once” accommodates changes in mood or insights that may arise from day-to-day. If you are particularly intent on conducting a truly thorough cost-benefit analysis, ask a trusted friend or close family member for her/his input.
When completed, the resulting table provides a more objective, rational “picture” of the costs and benefits associated with both "change" or "no change." Although this certainly does not ensure that change will follow, it does present a clearer picture of “what’s what” regarding one's situation. Not uncommonly, a decision to change just seems to "materialize" when stepping back from the table in order to consider “the big picture.”
Remember...the benefits of changing…or not…can only be assessed by the changer. This means that the motivation to alter one's behavior originates internally. The tipping point for successful change, as Bach suggests in Illusions, occurs when one recognizes that life's problems have their gifts inside, which is why we need them. It would seem that the same can be said of the challenges associated with changing…
What do you think?
Dr. Robert
References
Bach, R. (1981,1977). Illusions: the adventures of a reluctant Messiah. New York: Dell/E. Friede.
[1] I had considered sending a copy of this Bach novel to all members of the U.S. Congress but when realizing the most likely best-case outcome of such an expensive effort would be to just have it assigned to an aide to read, I decided against it.
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