All I Really
Need to Know (About Student Affairs)
I Learned in
Kindergarten
"All I really need to know
about how to live and what to do and how to be, I learned in kindergarten.
Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the
sand pile at school.
These are the things I learned:
* Share everything.
* Play fair.
* Don't hit people.
* Put things back where you found them.
* Clean up your own mess.
* Don't take things that aren't yours.
* Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
* Wash your hands before you eat.
* Flush.
* Warm cookies and cold milk are good for
you.
* Live a balanced life -
learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play
and work every day some.
* Take a nap every afternoon.
* When you go out in the world, watch out
for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
* Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant
goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
* Goldfish and hamsters
and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So
do we.
* And then remember the
Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all -
LOOK."
"Everything you need to know
is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology
and politics and equality and sane living.
Take any one of those items,
extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms, apply it to your family life or
your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear, and firm.
Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies
and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our
blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put
things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.
And it is still true, no matter
how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick
together (Robert Fulghum, 1990 - http://www.peace.ca/kindergarten.htm).
In this
essay, I accept Mr. Fulgham's challenge; I am looking at his list of rules for
a more orderly, sane, and compassionate approach to life and applying them to
Student Affairs work in general and alcohol and other drug counseling &
prevention specifically. These are my views on, “All I Really Need to Know
(About Student Affairs) I Leaned in Kindergarten."
- As regards, Share everything. No one chooses to work in student affairs or
dedicate his or her life to preventing high-risk drinking in order to get
rich. There is, however, the Siren's call of fame and notoriety associated
with developing cutting-edge strategies, publishing seminal articles,
delivering entertaining lectures, and proffering innovative theories. In
the second decade of the 21st century, well into the digital
information age, we all have access to a convenient “on-ramp to the
information superhighway.” In light of this, we need to remember the adage
of countless recovering alcoholics in AA, "In order to keep it, you have
to give it away"; it is all about the students. If we are people first,
counselors, “prevention specialists,” and student affairs professionals
second, then we need to be vigilant that the twin Sirens' of hubris and
pride do not call us to our spiritual demise.
- As regards, Play fair. Prevention is a process. It is not an event. Just
as any counselor who ever mounted a successful intervention with an
addicted client did so by standing on the shoulders of numerous others who
had previously intervened, students that change their behavior do so as
the result of an epiphany that results from the concerted efforts of
myriad others…parents, faculty, student affairs professionals, counselors,
coaches, roommates, and friends. We all make a difference, everyone. It is
when we play fair and realize that rare is the occasion when we are the be
all and end all of change in a student's/client's life. Again, borrowing
from AA, we can do together what none of us are able to do alone.
- As regards, Don't hit people. Understand that physical violence is never
the answer, and few of us would disagree, but as anyone who survived the
taunts of a playground bully will attest, there are "hits" that
hurt more than physical contact. Rumor, innuendo, gossip, and intimation
are formidable weapons with which one can bludgeon the character of a
colleague or stifle an innovative, albeit provocative idea. Although discussion
and debate are always welcome in higher ed, backbiting and petty jealousy
are not.
- As regards, Put things back where you found them. Whether it is
straightening the chairs and wiping the chalkboard clean after a
presentation in a classroom or returning books to colleagues—or the
library—it always a good idea to police our own lives, public and private.
No one, irrespective of age, position, credentials, or stature is beyond
the dictates of civility.
- As regards, Clean up your own mess. We all have bad days. Consequently, we
all make mistakes. When “it” happens—and “it” always happens—accept the
responsibility and move on. Students watch us and learn more by what we do
than by what we say. Although there may be reasons for the errors we make,
there are no excuses for sidestepping the consequences.
- As regards, Don't take things that aren't yours. Plagiarism…don't do
it…enough said.
- As regards, Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. Ever refer to
another, in less than flattering terms, in a response to what you thought
was a private email only to learn your reply went to an entire listserv?
Ever say something about a colleague only to have it come back in the form
of an inquiry, in person, from the colleague? Take a lead from the AA
playbook: Acknowledge the mistake; make amends; learn from the experience.
- As regards, Wash your hands before you eat. Again I borrow from AA, "Continued
to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted
it" (10th step of AA). Some call it a reality
check…others, "Keepin' it green." Whatever we call it, it is
important to always remember that we are people first and our
role/profession second. Remember: Even with a PhD and the author of a
published essay, I am still little Bobby Jacque when I cross the threshold
of my parent’s house.
- As regards, Flush. After making the mistake, after the student sees us
acting contrary to our message in the classroom, after we have missed the
deadline, failed to file the report, "whatever," do what needs
doing to assuage the guilt/make amends and then, "let…it…go." As
a supervisor once told me, “Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over
it”!
- As regards, Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Acknowledgements,
kudos, and heart felt thanks, be they from supervisors, administrators,
colleagues, students, or parents are good; accept them, smile, and say
thank you. More to the point, and as a mentor of mine once told me,
"Think of someone to thank for something each day; then act on the
thought."
- As regards, Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and
paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. Attend a
workshop, present at a conference, take a colleague to lunch and refuse to
talk shop, play hooky from an afternoon at the national conference and
ride a horse. Adopt the M.A.S.H. philosophy of human service: Never give
less than your best and all of it you've got, but when finished with the work,
don’t be afraid to laugh…with each other and at yourself.
- As regards, Take a nap every afternoon. Close the office door, dim the
lights, take the phone off the hook—shut down the computer—and then sit
back, close your eyes, and walk at least one mile on the beach. Count the
sand pipers darting in and out of the waves on the shore…hear the gulls,
the surf…smell the salt air…feel the sun's rays on the back of your neck.
- As regards, When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands
and stick together. Every one of us is a better student affairs
professional today than we were yesterday…and none of us is as good as we will be tomorrow. We know what we have learned and learned what was taught. Growth is the realization that more is available if we are willing to ask for it…and listen as those who have what we need pause to instruct us. As the 60s poster Admonished, Life is a journey, not a decision.
- As regards, Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup:
the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or
why, but we are all like that. No student affairs professional ever
changed any student…not one. Those we recognize as truly effective in
their student affairs efforts are actually those who motivate students to
change themselves.
- As regards, Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in
the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we. On our best day we can
help the students we serve; we cannot save them. Suicides will occur.
Alcohol poisoning will happen. Sexual assault will take place. The truth
be told, we cannot prevent these—at least not all of these—but we
nonetheless make a difference. My job is to help…saving is in much larger
hands than mine.
- As regards, And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you
learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK. Mork from Ork in that 70s TV
series had it right. On Ork, you are born old and as you grow and mature
you become younger and younger to where the most sage Orkian elder was a
boy of 5. Our students have much to teach us if we will but listen.
Fulghum,
Robert; 1990. All I Really Need To Know I
Learned In Kindergarten, Villard Books: New
York, NY; pp. 6-7
